theafflicted | w6 afterparty

w6 afterparty

Now that they have all weathered that storm, it's time to do some recuperating! After storing some of the fruit (likely with Shizuku's help), Fai has decided to cut all of it up and lay it out in a neat little array on a table in the cafeteria. He liked the coffee and tea station last week, so he decides to set another one up for this week too. Fai has also set out some bread, butter, and a toaster—hopefully there's an outlet nearby—for people to make themselves some toast! They could all use a nice little (late) breakfast after all of that.

And if anyone wants to bring some of that crab and fish they caught? Well, the more the merrier!

Then, Fai sends out a quick text for everyone to come enjoy some fruit and coffee in the cafeteria.

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[ He's felt that gaze on him, but he shows no indication of his noticing. As Owen approaches, finally, Gentaro closes his notebook and looks at him. ]

Secrets, of course.

[ It's actually not untrue. Was Owen quick enough to see what he'd been writing? Did he see the top of the page, the words--Dear brother--written there? ]

What brings you here, Owen?

[He sure did see that…!]

Secrets to your brother?

[That’s more interesting than whatever he wants to talk about. Maybe he doesn’t want to talk about anything and he’s just being nosy!!]

I’m just curious.

Oh, yes. If I revealed them to you, it would mean absolute destruction for us all.

[ Gentaro knows what he's trying to do, but he's not about to let Owen get away with it. ]

Curious? Is that why you spent so much time watching me before you came over?

I'd be fine with that.

[Owen? Stop that.]

Am I not allowed to be curious? Is that what this is?

Is that all this is, Owen? Curiosity?

[ The notebook goes inside his kosode, to keep it extra safe. He turns to face him fully, and if Owen's particularly perceptive, his body language is relaxed, open.

Well--not fully relaxed. There's a bit of tension set in his shoulders. But he doesn't look upon him with disgust or anger or anything. He just simply looks at Owen. ]

That you approached me after what happened earlier means you have a reason for being here. [ a pause. ] Would you like to talk?

[Owen’s face screws up, and it’s clear he’s looking for some sort of exit before he gives in.]

…I don’t know what you want from me.

[Which is vague, but pointed. This is just how Owen works.]

[ Vague, but Gentaro understands. He watches him for a moment, expression intentionally unreadable, before he pulls out the chair next to him. ]

Will you sit next to me?

…Fine.

[And he takes that seat, frowning a bit.]

[ It's so strange to see Owen like this. Another side of him that Gentaro assumes very few people have seen. ]

You've wondered what I want from you.

[ And it's something he's thought about. He's turned it over and over in his mind, again and again until the jagged edges are smoothed. While Owen had been avoiding him--and really, he isn't surprised, and he doesn't exactly feel slighted--he'd landed on... something.

It's something bigger than anything he's ever felt before, and despite his unflappable appearance, Gentaro feels... well. Scared is close enough, but he'll never admit it. This is all new to him, after all.

He folds his hands in his lap, turning his gaze downward. He stays like that for a few moments, but it feels like an eternity. ]

Nothing in particular, I suppose, especially if it's something you are opposed to. I have no expectations from you, Owen--that would be a disservice to you. [ Only here does he lift his gaze to Owen. He looks like he's wrestling with something, before he finally says, ] However, I have realized that I do care for you.

[Well, it's strange for Owen to feel like this, so fair's fair.]

I did. Everyone wants something, don't they?

[Even he wants something, even if it's something he can't quite figure out yet. Anything he could want just seems impossible, anyways. Earlier, before this, he would have laughed off the idea of getting close to someone, and even now he knows he doesn't want to bind his life to Gentaro's with a promise. That's... too much.

But he can't deny that he cares for the man. He can't deny that his presence is comforting just as often as it's entertaining or exhilarating. Gentaro has so many secrets and so many things he sees in himself, but in a way that makes Owen want to dig for more. It's equal parts infuriating and intoxicating.

He hates it. It makes him feel weak, but. Maybe it's fine, because it's not just him stuck feeling like this.]

You don't have to look like it's such a terrible thing to care about me. I'm pretty likable and charming in the end, aren't I? [just quit while you can, gentaro, he's not worth it] ...

[But he does manage to force some sincerity out.]

You're different than I thought you were. That's... not a bad thing, and it makes being around you interesting.

[ Gentaro won't deny that. Of course everyone wants something, but there are more important things than demanding or foisting his desires onto another. Maybe, when it comes down to it, he's afraid of wanting something or someone. Gentaro has lost so much, after all. While Owen has undeniably seen more than he has throughout his long, long existence, it doesn't lighten the weight on Gentaro's shoulders and heart.

It's all twisted up inside him: the fear and the yearning and his feelings for Owen that might run deeper than he'd admit.

Owen had crept up on him, and while he'd torn down some of the walls Gentaro has so carefully crafted, there are some that still remain. He wonders if they'll ever fall completely, but-- it's the sort of thing that sets him on edge.

The cheeky comment makes his lips twitch upward. ]

Ah. Well. It's far from dreadful to care about you. I suppose this is a "me" problem.

[ He feels like he's treading water here, arms and shoulders aching with the heavy weight he carries, and all Gentaro wants to do is set it down for a moment so he can rest.

Owen keeps surprising him, but that sincerity--it strikes him in the heart. ]

Mm. I could say the same. It seems we've seen sides of each other that are impossible to forget. [ .... ] Like you said, it's far, far from a bad thing. It's something I will guard selfishly as long as I live and breathe.

[Owen remembers one of their earliest conversations, as he sits there and considers the man.

I am well aware of my ability to cause pain. However... I would rather cut out my own heart than cause them pain.

It's ironic, isn't it, how now Owen is wondering if he has somehow become one of those people. He had said - joked and needled, really - about wanting to see the truth of who Gentaro is and wanting to learn more about him.

Now he has, and now they're here, with Owen realizing just how deeply Gentaro cares about those he chooses and faced with the reality that, somehow, he might be something chosen.]

...

[He lets out a breath slowly.]

...This isn't a lie, is it? You're not trying to playing with my heart, are you?

[There's no way it is, but... the truth is too much to consider. Caring for someone you have no chance to keep is - terrible. Owen has never had anyone he cared for and no one to lose, but the worst part is someone who might not want to lose him.]

No. This isn't a lie. Never once would I lie about this.

[ Gentaro is so closed off, so suspicious of the world. This world, his own, countless others--they all draw his suspicion, and Gentaro is fine with that. Protecting himself is more important than anything. There's an exception, of course, as with most things.

More important than even that is being honest with his emotions when they matter most. Now, here, looking at Owen, he knows this is one of those moments. Just how easily he realizes that scares him, but things that are worth the most are the most difficult. Maybe weeks ago, he wouldn't have bothered. They won't be here forever, he would have thought; he had thought. It's simply not worth the risk or pain that might come to get attached, he'd told himself.

In spite of that, here he is, baring his heart when he knows full well that this will end with the program. After everything is said and done, they'll return to their respective worlds and never see each other again. Gentaro will think about him throughout his life, but Owen-- He has a long, long existence ahead of him.

Compared to him, Gentaro is just a drop in the ocean. ]

You have my word that I'm not playing with your heart. I could never be that cruel.

[It's tempting to do what he does best - ruin everything. That's all Owen is good for, after all. He's hurt - killed - so many people that it's become a natural assumption he never has any good intentions.]

...

[He's also not very good with his words when it comes to actually being genuine - it's not something that comes naturally to him. Words to hurt, to annoy... Those are easier.

(Why doesn't Gentaro think he could be that cruel, anyways? Everyone else would.)]

...I can't promise you my life, you know. I know that's what humans like to do, but as a wizard it's impossible. Even if we actually would be able to see each other after this course ends, I can't make any promises to be with you forever.

[It's an impossible promise to keep - there is no such thing as forever, for the two of them. They're two different people from two different worlds, and even if they could be together...

Well. It is what it is.]

But I can be with you right now, if you don't mind.

[ It's not the answer he expects.

Part of it, yes--that Owen can't make that promise. To Gentaro, it would be little more than empty, pretty words. Nothing lasts forever, after all, and he's painfully aware of that fact. Things can so easily changing, disappear like smoke in a storm.

Owen is someone whose existence stretches out long past Gentaro's own. He doesn't need forever, though. Whatever he can take, whatever he's given--that's enough. It's enough, he tells himself again and again until it feels less like a lie, because it has to.

But, to now. Gentaro lets out a short breath, one he hadn't realized he'd been holding. ]

Be still my heart. [ And it's genuine. Gentaro gives him a smile, softer than he's ever shown here, and he holds out his hand. ] I certainly don't mind. We may not be able to promise to bind our lives and hearts together, but that simply means we must make use of the time we do have.

[Owen kind of wants to shake Gentaro, honestly, and he huffs and grabs Gentaro's offered hand.]

Idiot.

[The author isn't the only one who can read people, after all, and Owen has over a millennia on him.]

You know I can't promise forever not because I wouldn't want to, you know? Promises for wizards are... dangerous. Making promises you know you can't keep is just setting yourself up to die, because a broken promise... A wizard will lose who they are, if that happens.

[And if he loses his magic because of losing Gentaro... it would make coping all that more difficult, wouldn't it? That would be the end with him, more than being able to live on with the memory of him.]

So don't think anything stupid like it's because of you that I can't do that. It's just what life is like for wizards.

[So now he's sitting there, holding Gentaro's hand. Totally normal.]

Besides, we should see how well we tolerate each other when we're not being jerked around through endless pain and suffering before we even think about the future.

[ ... Well. That catches him off-guard, and he can't catch himself in time to hide it. It lasts one, two moments before he lets out a quiet, brief huff of a laugh. ]

I can accept that.

[ Somehow, Gentaro feels bolder, and he laces their fingers together. How strange that such a simple gesture feels so incredibly monumental. He understands where Owen's coming from. To lose something so vital to your being, and then to lose someone you care for--because Gentaro knows he won't live forever--it would destroy anyone. ]

I wouldn't want you to make such a promise. If you were to lose yourself entirely because of me, it would be more than unforgivable.

[ He tries to burn away the thought that he isn't worth that, because if he has so many people who care--here, and back in Shibuya, too--then wouldn't it be a disservice to them to think such a thing? ... It's not so easy to let himself feel that way, but maybe it's a start. ]

As for tolerating each other... I agree. However, it hasn't all been pain and suffering, has it? Even in a place like this, there is light. And perhaps it shines brighter in the wake of all the terrible things we've seen and experienced.

I would like to think such a bond forged in adversity, no matter its age, can withstand near anything.

[ gentaro you dramatic bitch ]

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w6 afterparty

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