fai d. flowright (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
partymagician) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
theafflicted2022-07-02 05:34 pm
partymagician) wrote in theafflicted2022-07-02 05:34 pm
w6 afterparty
Now that they have all weathered that storm, it's time to do some recuperating! After storing some of the fruit (likely with Shizuku's help), Fai has decided to cut all of it up and lay it out in a neat little array on a table in the cafeteria. He liked the coffee and tea station last week, so he decides to set another one up for this week too. Fai has also set out some bread, butter, and a toaster—hopefully there's an outlet nearby—for people to make themselves some toast! They could all use a nice little (late) breakfast after all of that.
And if anyone wants to bring some of that crab and fish they caught? Well, the more the merrier!
Then, Fai sends out a quick text for everyone to come enjoy some fruit and coffee in the cafeteria.
no subject
I am well aware of my ability to cause pain. However... I would rather cut out my own heart than cause them pain.
It's ironic, isn't it, how now Owen is wondering if he has somehow become one of those people. He had said - joked and needled, really - about wanting to see the truth of who Gentaro is and wanting to learn more about him.
Now he has, and now they're here, with Owen realizing just how deeply Gentaro cares about those he chooses and faced with the reality that, somehow, he might be something chosen.]
...
[He lets out a breath slowly.]
...This isn't a lie, is it? You're not trying to playing with my heart, are you?
[There's no way it is, but... the truth is too much to consider. Caring for someone you have no chance to keep is - terrible. Owen has never had anyone he cared for and no one to lose, but the worst part is someone who might not want to lose him.]
no subject
[ Gentaro is so closed off, so suspicious of the world. This world, his own, countless others--they all draw his suspicion, and Gentaro is fine with that. Protecting himself is more important than anything. There's an exception, of course, as with most things.
More important than even that is being honest with his emotions when they matter most. Now, here, looking at Owen, he knows this is one of those moments. Just how easily he realizes that scares him, but things that are worth the most are the most difficult. Maybe weeks ago, he wouldn't have bothered. They won't be here forever, he would have thought; he had thought. It's simply not worth the risk or pain that might come to get attached, he'd told himself.
In spite of that, here he is, baring his heart when he knows full well that this will end with the program. After everything is said and done, they'll return to their respective worlds and never see each other again. Gentaro will think about him throughout his life, but Owen-- He has a long, long existence ahead of him.
Compared to him, Gentaro is just a drop in the ocean. ]
You have my word that I'm not playing with your heart. I could never be that cruel.
no subject
...
[He's also not very good with his words when it comes to actually being genuine - it's not something that comes naturally to him. Words to hurt, to annoy... Those are easier.
(Why doesn't Gentaro think he could be that cruel, anyways? Everyone else would.)]
...I can't promise you my life, you know. I know that's what humans like to do, but as a wizard it's impossible. Even if we actually would be able to see each other after this course ends, I can't make any promises to be with you forever.
[It's an impossible promise to keep - there is no such thing as forever, for the two of them. They're two different people from two different worlds, and even if they could be together...
Well. It is what it is.]
But I can be with you right now, if you don't mind.
no subject
Part of it, yes--that Owen can't make that promise. To Gentaro, it would be little more than empty, pretty words. Nothing lasts forever, after all, and he's painfully aware of that fact. Things can so easily changing, disappear like smoke in a storm.
Owen is someone whose existence stretches out long past Gentaro's own. He doesn't need forever, though. Whatever he can take, whatever he's given--that's enough. It's enough, he tells himself again and again until it feels less like a lie, because it has to.
But, to now. Gentaro lets out a short breath, one he hadn't realized he'd been holding. ]
Be still my heart. [ And it's genuine. Gentaro gives him a smile, softer than he's ever shown here, and he holds out his hand. ] I certainly don't mind. We may not be able to promise to bind our lives and hearts together, but that simply means we must make use of the time we do have.
no subject
Idiot.
[The author isn't the only one who can read people, after all, and Owen has over a millennia on him.]
You know I can't promise forever not because I wouldn't want to, you know? Promises for wizards are... dangerous. Making promises you know you can't keep is just setting yourself up to die, because a broken promise... A wizard will lose who they are, if that happens.
[And if he loses his magic because of losing Gentaro... it would make coping all that more difficult, wouldn't it? That would be the end with him, more than being able to live on with the memory of him.]
So don't think anything stupid like it's because of you that I can't do that. It's just what life is like for wizards.
[So now he's sitting there, holding Gentaro's hand. Totally normal.]
Besides, we should see how well we tolerate each other when we're not being jerked around through endless pain and suffering before we even think about the future.
no subject
I can accept that.
[ Somehow, Gentaro feels bolder, and he laces their fingers together. How strange that such a simple gesture feels so incredibly monumental. He understands where Owen's coming from. To lose something so vital to your being, and then to lose someone you care for--because Gentaro knows he won't live forever--it would destroy anyone. ]
I wouldn't want you to make such a promise. If you were to lose yourself entirely because of me, it would be more than unforgivable.
[ He tries to burn away the thought that he isn't worth that, because if he has so many people who care--here, and back in Shibuya, too--then wouldn't it be a disservice to them to think such a thing? ... It's not so easy to let himself feel that way, but maybe it's a start. ]
As for tolerating each other... I agree. However, it hasn't all been pain and suffering, has it? Even in a place like this, there is light. And perhaps it shines brighter in the wake of all the terrible things we've seen and experienced.
I would like to think such a bond forged in adversity, no matter its age, can withstand near anything.
[ gentaro you dramatic bitch ]