theafflicted | 05 - week five

05 - week five

WEEK FIVE

Come Sunday morning, the portals around Estelline fade away, but not all of the oddities hanging around disappear so quickly. The recreations of your dreams and memories are still around, ever changing and shifting. Whatever it is that brought these things here hasn’t ended, not yet.

You don’t have time to worry about all of that, though, even if you know you should exercise caution once two of you found yourselves on the bad end of a monster’s claws. The course still isn’t over, though, even if the portals changed lesson plans. Everything continues on, with new places to explore as the fog pushes back once again. This week still feels a little more like what you’re familiar with, though, after Saturday’s lack of lessons.

...For now.

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[ he leans his head to the side just a little bit to rest against sabo's. it's a very soft touch, but it feels so very intimate. everything about this makes him feel like they're the only two that matter. it isn't true, but in the moment, that's just how it seems.

ace has never been one to back down when he wants to do something or he desires something. so, he's honestly glad that sabo isn't trying to talk him out of this or telling him it's a terrible idea.

they both know this might not happen and they both know that it might not work out, but that doesn't mean they can't be selfish here and try.

his fingers tighten just a little in sabo's hair. ]

I want to be able to live while knowing that I deserve to.

[ sure, he's had that here, but it's a little different going to their world and actually feeling he deserves to live there. even if technically he shouldn't be able to, that doesn't matter. ]

[ ...

well, not sure what ace was aiming for with that statement but it probably isn't for sabo to bite him in the shoulder as he balls the hand on ace's chest into a fist. sabo doesn't punch him but it isn't a love bite by any means. the reaction so quick and almost visceral. ]

Don't say that. [ sabo snaps as he raises his head. ] Don't make it sound like all of a sudden you've regretted the life that you lived.

[ even if that wasn't what ace meant by it, that's how it immediately sounded to him. given the absolute lack of distance between them sabo stares ace right in the eyes and watches for any kind of hesitation. he won't give ace a single inch to explain himself or excuse what he said.

sabo has held onto the words that ace told him when they first got here—he died happy. that was the answer that he wanted to know for so long and what tortured him. if he could remember nothing else about what happened here and if everything else went to crap, as long as he could remember that ace died happy then he would be fine. he found worth in his life even if he hadn't realized it sooner. if ace even hinted otherwise— ]

Don't.

[ there's a sharp yelp at the bite and he's about to ask why sabo did that. very quickly, though, he has his answer before he could ask.

that really wasn't what he meant and he frowns that it came out like that. he doesn't regret how he lived, not one bit. he lived for an answer and he got it. he did what he wanted, as well, and he enjoyed the things he'd done. ]

That wasn't...

[ he sighs. it really did sound bad now that he thinks about it. he'd look away from sabo, but he feels like he owes it to him to keep his gaze fixed there. ]

It's more... [ hm. ] I don't know how to say it better.

[ to be able to accept that other people care for him like sabo and luffy do? he's not sure how he would live that kind of life, honestly. would it really be that different? maybe not at all. ]

But I wouldn't erase any of it. Sorry it sounded like that.

[ please forgive him. ]

[ sabo watches ace very carefully as he stumbles through his reply to him and says nothing. it's clear that ace understood why he got upset and that was good. the harshness of his outburst was fading little by little but agitation took a bit longer, and it's not until ace apologizes that sabo eases off.

he unclenches his fist and flattens out his hand once again then brings up his other hand to take a hold of one of ace's wrists to bring it down to their side. ]

Just live, Ace.

[ that's all sabo wants for ace. he wants ace alive. (he wants to create more memories with his best friend—his brother.) he just wants ace to keep the living the life he had chose for himself. good, bad, stupid, and whatever and so on and so forth. ]

If you get another chance... [ outside of estelline and back on the open ocean that they call home. ] Just live.

[ and then, maybe, at the very end of it all he can hear something different from ace. not that he died happy or that he was glad that everyone loved him but something else. what would sabo like to hear from ace under those circumstances he has no idea... but just hopefully it will be something not as bittersweet. ]

[ he takes those words in silently, letting them settle in before nodding softly. yeah, sabo is right in that it's exactly how it should be. ]

You're right.

[ him admitting that he is so easily is a testament to how he knows his initial words weren't what he should have said. this was more of a sentiment he meant with his statement.

he never knew he'd be hoping so much to live a longer life. while he accepted his death when the time came, having that second chance is something he'd gladly reach out and grab if he's allowed. ]

[ there's the urge to be snotty and tell ace this is why he should just listen to him because he was often right, however he knows that it isn't the time for that. instead, he lets himself feel a sense of satisfaction of that it was just that easy and gives ace a small smile and laughs softly.

as sabo allows that brief moment of tension distance itself from them, he remembers something that he also said during that memory. looking back at it, it was kind of embarrassing to say that in front of strangers but... ]

I'm thankful that you were born, Ace.

[ just as he said he would. despite leaving some of the other parts, he knows that the sentiment is there and that he'd repeat it as many times as necessary (and probably beyond). ]

[ ahh, this is where he gets embarrassed. jeez, sabo. these's a limit to things. he, very gently, shoves him, but doesn't push him away.

even so, he's not going to run away from these feelings being exchanged. at least not right now. but that doesn't mean he doesn't feel extremely vulnerable with sabo right now. at least it's with him, though.

normally he'd say something to break the mood, but maybe just this once, he'll let it linger. ]

And I'm glad you're still alive, Sabo.

[ that's fine, sabo will take the opportunity to take hold of both of ace's hands and hold them between their bodies. he's holding hands with ace but more of doing something closer to this. there's a wide grin on his face as he revels in ace's response.

(anyone else would have seen this as a confession of sorts. an exchange of their feelings of love for one another, and well, it isn't completely wrong. it's just a shame that neither are aware of that small fact.) ]

I plan on staying alive for a very long time. So, I hope that doesn't become a problem with you.

[ he's not going to take a page out of ace's book and say that there's no way he'll die but he will try to live and keep surviving. ]

[ it feels a little strange standing like this, but given how intimate that they've been so far here, he doesn't really overthink things too much. or just sets it aside in his brain for some reason. ]

Good. I'd make it a problem for you if you didn't feel that way.

[ maybe he'll be giving sabo hell anyway, but that's the norm. ]

[ sometimes you just hold hands!!! there's nothing new about what they're doing... honestly, how they were before was far more intimate than how they are now. regardless, sabo offers ace a smile. ]

I've never not felt that way.

[ which whether surprising or not is the truth. life might have been unkind to both of them, but sabo's always been one to look forward and never backwards. the only times where he has fallen is where he has hesitated to know where to move next. ]

And I don't think there will ever be anything that would cause me to rethink things, either.

[ he's just a bit more aware of it, that's why he's thinking about it a little more than the intimacy. but that's how he is. ]

Good. Let's keep it that way.

[ it's not like he overly thought about the idea of sabo not wanting to live, but he just wanted to establish that sabo's life is just very important to him, too. ]

[ yeah, well, that much is probably pretty obvious but it doesn't change the way that sabo views things. now as he has been completely distracted and derailed from where he had originally intended to go, he'll tilt his head to a side.

one(?) last time, he'll ask: ]

Anything else bothering you, Ace?

[ no secrets between them and everything. ]

[ he tries to think in response to that. to be honest, his head is still a little jumbled with those memories being brought back up and also changes in them. overlapping memories is still so strange. a couple days doesn't clear everything out. ]

No, not right now. But what about you?

[ it's a fair reaction and sabo will just nod his head. ace was the one who tracked him down for a talk and while there is probably a few more things that they could (eventually) address, none of it was pressing. so sabo will just let things be. ]

I'm fine as long as you are.

Yeah.

[ though, he will laugh a little. ]

You really took Luffy's glory away from him with what you did.

[ he doesn't sound upset about this at all, just kind of amused. ]

[ meanwhile sabo will sound a bit embarrassed when ace brings it up. yeah, he sure did just steal all of luffy's thunder, didn't he? he isn't self-centered enough to think that luffy didn't care as much as he did—ace was the only brother he thought he had left—but his guilt has been all-consuming.

so many times he has asked himself. so many nights lost. ]

Maybe I did, but would you really have listened to him over me?

I think you already know the answer to that.

[ the fact that he died in the normal timeline. he couldn't be pulled back once his rage was sparked. it cost him his life because he couldn't listen. sabo's words had barely registered, but the fact of the matter is that they did register to him.

but if he needs to spell it out, he will. but he's pretty sure sabo knows the answer to that. ]

[ local idiot watches a war break out and people risk their lives to save his ass only to walk right into danger and die anyway. but sadly, sabo doesn't need it spelled out for him even if he wouldn't be opposed to hearing it stated plainly for him.

nevertheless he'll smile to himself. if he was a cheekier and less observant person he would make a comment about how he always suspected that ace liked him better. ]

I'm sure Luffy would forgive me for doing so. He endured so much just to have me swoop in at the last minute.

[ yeah, it was pretty dumb as hell. but honor and insulting those people that are important to him are a quick point for temper flaring. winning or losing was no longer a point to care about. he just had to defend the name of his family.

and it's more like the words that sabo chose to pick and the fact that he was startled into the fact that sabo was still alive really helped things out. ]

He would. I think having both of us alive would be the thing he cared about the most.

[ sometimes you just need to unknowingly have gay thoughts and feelings towards someone you thought was dead arriving to save you at your lowest moment saying everything you want to hear. sometimes it can be that ""easy"". but either way, sabo does end up chuckling. ]

I'd agree. He'd never have to go through the pain of losing a brother.

[ you know, since sabo isn't dead even though they both thought he was dead for a very, very long time. ]

[ yeah, it's surprising, huh. (except probably not. it makes sense.) ]

Well, he would have. It just wasn't actually true.

[ it's true. but for a long time, both of them did think he was dead. so he's going to point out that it did feel like it, even if it was false. ]

It still hurt like we lost you.

[ SOMETIMES YOUR "SOULMATE" IS A KID YOU MEET WHEN YOU'RE 5 YEARS OLD... ]

It was the truth for you; we weren't able to find one another again before you died.

[ sabo corrects gently. ]

Even though I'm happy that you and Luffy both had one another, I wish that I could have had more time with both of you as well.

[ since sabo and ace had their five or so odd years together while luffy and ace had twice as much. sabo wouldn't call himself jealous by any means but he couldn't say that he'd hasn't wanted more time together. something that being here has made all the more clear to him. ]

[ GROSS CRYING. ]

I wish you could have been there, too.

[ hell, what he wouldn't give to have more time with both of them now. but sabo in particular after all is said in done. they missed out on so much. ]

It always felt like you'd be there when we turned our heads. I don't know how many times we called out your name and you weren't there beside us.

[ it was so, so painful. ]

[ well if the intent was to make sabo feel better, it doesn't. he doesn't feel worse for it either but he does smile a bit smaller after hearing ace's words. of course they would. it would only be natural for them for how long they've spent together. and he remembers how they've had a similar conversation like this when they first reunited not that he calls ace out for it and simply just nods his head. ]

I know.

[ sabo lets the silence fill the space between them as he looks at their joined hands. a thought to let them go crosses his mind but he feels no desire to do so. another thought crosses his mind to remove his gloves but he also doesn't do so. ]

[ no, not exactly. but he said it to be honest about the situation. sure, it's been mentioned before, but it's worth mentioning again here as a reminder. ]

Also, thanks. For doing all that. In the memory, I mean.

[ maybe it was also to satisfy sabo's own curiosity about things, but also. it still meant a lot to have sabo there. it's not his fault he wasn't able to actually be there before, but seeing what might happen if he was given the chance is really a lot. ]

05 - week five

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