theafflicted | 04 - week four

04 - week four

WEEK FOUR

Saturday comes to a close, and it’s time for some rest and recovery. Perhaps the TLC you deserve will come this week, or perhaps the nightmare will continue. It’s hard to say with things being so strange around you, from Wei Wuxian’s disappearance to the sudden addition of objects and places and creatures from your homes. Who knows what this week will bring? Nothing ordinary, that’s for sure.

You wake up on Sunday to an increase in those little glimpses you saw yesterday. What were snippets of songs, locations that might’ve seemed familiar, and creatures that were dormant, are now all alive and whole. When you go to the karaoke bar, the songs you once knew are there. Monsters and animals are alive and sentient. New business are abound. Vehicles are operable, and perhaps some of your old belongings are back, too.

However, some of these things aren’t even things that should exist outside of your dreams. They may be far too strange and unusual to be real, or just things you don't remember ever seeing. The only thing you remember about these things in particular is that they were, quite literally, in your dreams this week.

That being said, every few hours, all of these things from your homes and dreams fade out and get replaced by new sounds, places, beasts….only to maybe come back again at another time.

Well. At least there's one constant here: You’ve got a handful of new locations to look at, with the fog having spread once more, and they aren't going anywhere. There aren’t as many new places that are native to Estelline this time around, but that may be for the best, considering everything going on.

SETTING TRACKER

SUNDAY MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAY

NEWSPAPER SUBMISSIONS + EDITION #1

SAGE / FLORENCE / LORELEI

MEM SHARE DETAILS

OOC NOTE

OOC: Details on this week can be found here!

Also, we have a lot of participants for the news activity from last week. Neat! Everyone who participated in some capacity will have a small polaroid camera delivered to their doorstep. There's limited film, though - 10 photos per camera. It doesn't seem like there's any extra film at this time, either.

Finally, there will not be any weekly tasks this week. You guys are going to be busy with memshare and dreamscape stuff; instead, enjoy the Estelline University Newspaper!

FULL NAV

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

( I shouldn't be here.

that's the first thing shizuku thinks as she looks around the club- she never even thought she'd be in a place like this, even with... something like magic involved, and everything is so dark. even the audience feels... wrong. backing up against the wall, shizuku clutches the pendant of her necklace.

still, she doesn't look away. )

[It's hard to see the movement in the wings of the stage, and impossible to hear what's being said. The pink-haired, younger idol seems to stalk rather than walk, pacing around like an animal with cornered prey. But the Madara in the memory seems more sinister even than that, smiling without a trace of warmth. Yet the man they're talking to seems to be enjoying the conversation, as though he expects something to come of it.

Something will come of it, it turns out. Memory-Madara takes a microphone and begins to address the audience. The roar of the crowd is far louder than the speakers, really, and it turns from the frenzied roar of support and fervor during the performance to jeering. All you can make out from the back is something about who this man is, and what glorious things he's done for the entertainment industry. Only they don't sound glorious at all, in Madara's blood-drenched tone.

The man on stage with Madara and the pink-haired young man begins to back off, but he's guided back to the center of the small stage by Madara's firm grip on his shoulder. He steers him, still addressing the audience, to the front of the stage. The pink-haired idol flanks the man, putting a hand out across him to take the microphone from Madara.

The crowd surges forward, the lack of barricades bringing them to the very foot of the stage. Hands block stage lights, settling the idols and their apparent prey in unflattering, dark relief.]

( it feels strange, seeing that expression on madara. briefly, she wonders if he's smiled like that at anyone in the course. and who's that third person? not an idol, certainly.

the audience is so worked up it almost hurts- if she wasn't used to the screams and cheers of a concert already, it definitely would. but to think that even with the microphones and speakers she wouldn't be able to hear everything clearly.

that man... was one of the darker aspects of the industry, wasn't he? given the fury in madara's voice, and how upset everyone was... but... what were they doing? )

[She doesn't have to wait long to find out. Madara in the memory takes a step back, then uses his considerable strength to shove the man from the stage and into the frenzied crowd.

The audience wastes no time, grabbing at the man and dragging him down into their midst, presumably to the floor, and... well, nothing good will come of it. There's blood on Madara's hands again.

But up on stage, he smiles at the pink-haired idol, his partner, and they exchange a high-five.

Someone slips out of the audience near Shizuku, heading toward her after a pause. It's a large figure, face shrouded in the dark club by a hood. Once he's in front of Shizuku, he pulls the hood down. It's Madara. The present one. And he's looking at Shizuku gravely. A trace of the bloodlust from his memory self remains in what she can see of his eyes.

He waits. There's nothing to explain, nothing someone like her should forgive.]

( shizuku recoils as the man is pushed into the pit, hands over her mouth- and yet, despite everything... how awful it is, how horrifying it is. she doesn't look away. not out of fascination, or anything like that... but how can she accept hien for what he is, love madara so fully, if she can't endure something like this?

no, she only closes her eyes as madara finally approaches before she looks at him. of course she's uncomfortable in this place, and everything is frightening... but when he stops in front of her, she doesn't look at him any differently. or at least, not negatively so. )

Madara...

[He shoves his hands into the pockets of his shorts and moves a little closer. She's horrified, as she should be, and he can only think that she ought to run away.

She doesn't. She stands there, meeting his eyes, and all he can do is throw his arms around her and cradle the back of her head with one broad hand. He bends his head beside hers and murmurs.]

This is what I've been trying to tell you about. This isn't an anomaly, you know? I'm like this. I'm this.

( she doesn't hesitate to return the hug, clutching onto the back of his hoodie desperately as she tries to slow her own heart down a little. it doesn't work, but like. she's trying.

and she's also quiet, for what feels like both a long moment and not long at all. )

... Can you really expect me to believe that that's all that you are, though?

[It may not be all that he is, but she doesn't need to be involved with him. He contemplates the cruelty he could level at her to drive her away, but he can't bring himself to even think about it for long. There might be a problem, he realizes.

He might... actually care.]

Isn't it enough to make you not want to be around me?

No.

( no hesitation. backing up a bit without breaking his embrace, shizuku looks madara right in the eyes. )

I won't say that that... is something I could ever do. And I won't say that I like it. But I also don't believe that this outweighs the good you do, either- and don't you tell me you don't do good.

[That makes him angry, frankly, and he releases the embrace to grip her shoulders instead. Looking dead into her eyes while the crowd riots behind him, he raises his voice.]

I would never want you to do something like this. You don't even understand why I'm this way, so don't even entertain the idea.

[The memory seems to splinter behind him, and he looks back over his shoulder, making eye contact with the memory version of him, all dark smiles and casual conversation with Kohaku as they leave.

With the grip on Shizuku's shoulder, he steers her back to the exit.]

That isn't what I meant.

( and her voice is unusually firm as she... reassures him of this? it's unclear. ... of course neither of them want her to do this sort of thing. but fine, she'll let herself be lead. )

You're right. I don't understand. But I don't believe that this is all that you are.

Even if it's not, it should be enough.

[He doesn't even care that this is escalating.]

I don't know why you don't get that. You don't even draw the line at me getting somebody killed?

[Once they're outside of the memory, he stops her, and looks her in the eyes again.]

It doesn't even matter why I did it, or why I continue to do it. I'm not gonna stop, either. You can't save me.

[Heroes. Don't. Exist.]

( does he want her to hate him? every time she thinks they're making progress, he says something that implies he wishes otherwise.

it hurts, that even now they're not on the same level, it seems.

but she can't dwell on this. inhale, exhale. center yourself. )

... I've seen and heard worse from others here that I still care for. Why should I draw the exception at you? ... I don't know why I can accept it, even. But I do.

( 'you can't save me'- is that what he thinks she's trying to do? has she ever done something to give that impression? there's so much being said that she just- doesn't get where it came from. )

I just want to be with you. I've never said anything else- and even if I had, you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.

[The fact is that he's accepted his place in the order of things in little slice of the world back home. He has someone who at least tries to understand him, while still not forgetting he's what he is. And then Shizuku comes along, bright eyes and sunshine, and he wants to shrivel up and stop existing every time he looks at her. Because as much as he likes her, has actual, intense feelings for her, she's a better person than he'll ever be. He spends valuable time back home keeping people like her at a distance so they won't see this side of him, or at least not get involved with it.]

I just... [He feels like he's run out of steam. Seeing that memory was a lot, all things considered, after being around Shizuku so much. She makes him want to be better. But he can't be better.] ...I don't want you to get hurt.

( madara practically deflates and shizuku reaches up to cup his face gently in one hand. )

... I can't promise I won't get hurt. But that... that's the nature of life, you know? There's risks that will come with anything unless you simply... don't engage with the world around you, ever. That's not the kind of life I could ever live.

I won't be safe all of the time. But you... I've never thought you were ever a source of that sort of risk. I still don't think you would be, not willingly.

( her other hand takes his, gentle and warm. )

I don't want you to get hurt either. But I know I can't stop you from what you choose to do, either...

This whole time, I've been worried you'd get hurt because of me.

[He's expressed as much all along, that she'd be better off without him. But now he's slept for almost a month with her in his arms, and it's nice. It feels real, and right. He wants to protect her, and that always means keeps the person he's protecting at arm's length so they can't possibly get their hands dirty.]

Why can't you just hate me like everyone else?

( she doesn't hate her old managers, her old unit... she doesn't even hate the ghoul who stole her emotions so many times in a night. fears it, certainly, but...

shizuku brushes her thumb over his cheek, shaking her head. )

Maybe it's simply not in my nature...

( and she loves him, before anything else. ... maybe it clouds her judgement. maybe not. she doesn't want to admit it just yet though- not like this. )

... And maybe I think you're better than you think you are. The things you do speak volumes, Madara, but it goes for the good and the bad.

[Why does she make him feel so out of control? He knows he's not as much of a villain as he could be, of course. He has his reasons, his motives, and they're "good" compared to the actual acts. But she's threatening to get close, too close, closer than anyone else ever has. Whatever ice he encased his heart in is melting more and more by the day.

But maybe he can rest easy, and disappointingly, in the knowledge that in a few weeks they'll be gone. Done. He'll never see her again. He may never know this sort of kindness again, either. Even if he thinks she's a little naive in being so optimistic about him, it's made him wish he could really lean into the "hero" in antihero.

It's annoying, it's frustrating, and it makes him feel trapped inside his own head more than anything else ever has. But she's incredible in her gentleness and acceptance. If someone like Shizuku can give him the time of day, maybe he's not a total loss.]

You're so frustrating, Shizuku.

[He rests his forehead on hers for just a moment before pressing a firm, chaste kiss to her lips.]

( shizuku laughs until she's cut off by the kiss- something in it feels more bittersweet than his usual affections, and she can't say she doesn't see why. she can really only return the kiss and hope he feels even a little of the warmth she has for him. )

You're the first person to tell me that.

( 'annoying', sure. but frustrating? that's a first. smiling sadly, she tries not to glance away. )

Is being loved truly so awful?

[He's the first person to tell her that because he's the only person idiotic enough to get himself into such a complicated situation. This place is a mess, and it's making his emotions and thought processes a joke.

He knows how it feels to be rejected, to be hated, feared, maybe tolerated, liked if he counts Leo... But loved?]

Maybe it is. I wouldn't know.

[He just can't... get past that statement, though.]

Do you love me?

( shizuku pauses, looking away before meeting his gaze again. )

If I said yes, would you try to push me away again?

[He looks at her, wide-eyed for a moment, then with incredible fondness. She's special. He doesn't deserve having her in his life. They have mere weeks left together, and then he doesn't know if he'll ever see her again.

Idols don't get to do this. This is temporary and fleeting, and he finds that part of it oddly comforting. It's a safety net.

But the question remains: would it kill him to open his heart up enough to accept this?]

I wouldn't push you away. I'd tell you you're making a mistake, but it's not one I want to stop you from making. If you can love somebody like me, you're way stronger than I am.

I do. ... You make me feel so safe and warm. It's almost like home.

( idly, she leans forward against him, arms slowly winding around his chest. she can hear his heart beat like this... )

No one makes me laugh like you do. You don't... treat me like I'm stupid or feel you have to make plans around me and my mistakes. I wish I could introduce you to my friends so badly. They'd like you too.

How is that supposed to be a mistake? Feeling this wonderful because of someone? ... If you keep talking about yourself like that, I might actually get angry, you know.

( an idle threat, honestly, and obviously. but... something in her tone hitches at the end there. )

[He wraps his arms around her, pulling her close.]

Shizuku...

[He wouldn't love a person like himself if he were Shizuku. But he's not her, so he supposes he can't account for her actions at all, or make any kind of decisions from her point of view. He can't see her point of view. He hasn't been as innocent as she is in years.

How horribly was she treated, that just making her laugh and letting her be herself is good enough, when he has blood on his hands and all? It may not make sense to him, but then again it doesn't have to. He's not making this decision; she is, and he's accepting it.]

There's nothing I can say that'll change your mind, is there? Stubborn, too... I don't know about this side of you. [He's teasing, and it's clear in his gentle tone and soft voice.] You gave me way more chances than I deserve and you stayed with me no matter how much I proved every bad thing I've had to say about myself to be totally accurate.

[Pulling back slightly, he tips her chin up.]

I can't say I won't ever hurt you, but if you don't mind that, I'll stop being such a pain about this. I'm not sure I get what love feels like or what it is to me. If it's the way I feel right now, then I'm pretty sure I love you, too.

( maybe someday he will see her the way she sees him. maybe someday he'll be kinder to himself. if she tells him enough, she'd like to think it might sink in. but for now, free of memories and idle thoughts, she's here in his present- they're here together. )

I love you.

( firmer, more definite compared to her confirmation earlier- and gentle and warm, too, all while she holds him. )

... To be honest... I don't even think you've been as bad as you say you have. But I already knew you're harsh on yourself.

All I want is to make you smile, though.

ii. :) (also give me a present mama when you feel is thematically appropriate)

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