theafflicted | 04 - week four

04 - week four

WEEK FOUR

Saturday comes to a close, and it’s time for some rest and recovery. Perhaps the TLC you deserve will come this week, or perhaps the nightmare will continue. It’s hard to say with things being so strange around you, from Wei Wuxian’s disappearance to the sudden addition of objects and places and creatures from your homes. Who knows what this week will bring? Nothing ordinary, that’s for sure.

You wake up on Sunday to an increase in those little glimpses you saw yesterday. What were snippets of songs, locations that might’ve seemed familiar, and creatures that were dormant, are now all alive and whole. When you go to the karaoke bar, the songs you once knew are there. Monsters and animals are alive and sentient. New business are abound. Vehicles are operable, and perhaps some of your old belongings are back, too.

However, some of these things aren’t even things that should exist outside of your dreams. They may be far too strange and unusual to be real, or just things you don't remember ever seeing. The only thing you remember about these things in particular is that they were, quite literally, in your dreams this week.

That being said, every few hours, all of these things from your homes and dreams fade out and get replaced by new sounds, places, beasts….only to maybe come back again at another time.

Well. At least there's one constant here: You’ve got a handful of new locations to look at, with the fog having spread once more, and they aren't going anywhere. There aren’t as many new places that are native to Estelline this time around, but that may be for the best, considering everything going on.

SETTING TRACKER

SUNDAY MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAY

NEWSPAPER SUBMISSIONS + EDITION #1

SAGE / FLORENCE / LORELEI

MEM SHARE DETAILS

OOC NOTE

OOC: Details on this week can be found here!

Also, we have a lot of participants for the news activity from last week. Neat! Everyone who participated in some capacity will have a small polaroid camera delivered to their doorstep. There's limited film, though - 10 photos per camera. It doesn't seem like there's any extra film at this time, either.

Finally, there will not be any weekly tasks this week. You guys are going to be busy with memshare and dreamscape stuff; instead, enjoy the Estelline University Newspaper!

FULL NAV

(CODE)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Even if it's not, it should be enough.

[He doesn't even care that this is escalating.]

I don't know why you don't get that. You don't even draw the line at me getting somebody killed?

[Once they're outside of the memory, he stops her, and looks her in the eyes again.]

It doesn't even matter why I did it, or why I continue to do it. I'm not gonna stop, either. You can't save me.

[Heroes. Don't. Exist.]

( does he want her to hate him? every time she thinks they're making progress, he says something that implies he wishes otherwise.

it hurts, that even now they're not on the same level, it seems.

but she can't dwell on this. inhale, exhale. center yourself. )

... I've seen and heard worse from others here that I still care for. Why should I draw the exception at you? ... I don't know why I can accept it, even. But I do.

( 'you can't save me'- is that what he thinks she's trying to do? has she ever done something to give that impression? there's so much being said that she just- doesn't get where it came from. )

I just want to be with you. I've never said anything else- and even if I had, you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.

[The fact is that he's accepted his place in the order of things in little slice of the world back home. He has someone who at least tries to understand him, while still not forgetting he's what he is. And then Shizuku comes along, bright eyes and sunshine, and he wants to shrivel up and stop existing every time he looks at her. Because as much as he likes her, has actual, intense feelings for her, she's a better person than he'll ever be. He spends valuable time back home keeping people like her at a distance so they won't see this side of him, or at least not get involved with it.]

I just... [He feels like he's run out of steam. Seeing that memory was a lot, all things considered, after being around Shizuku so much. She makes him want to be better. But he can't be better.] ...I don't want you to get hurt.

( madara practically deflates and shizuku reaches up to cup his face gently in one hand. )

... I can't promise I won't get hurt. But that... that's the nature of life, you know? There's risks that will come with anything unless you simply... don't engage with the world around you, ever. That's not the kind of life I could ever live.

I won't be safe all of the time. But you... I've never thought you were ever a source of that sort of risk. I still don't think you would be, not willingly.

( her other hand takes his, gentle and warm. )

I don't want you to get hurt either. But I know I can't stop you from what you choose to do, either...

This whole time, I've been worried you'd get hurt because of me.

[He's expressed as much all along, that she'd be better off without him. But now he's slept for almost a month with her in his arms, and it's nice. It feels real, and right. He wants to protect her, and that always means keeps the person he's protecting at arm's length so they can't possibly get their hands dirty.]

Why can't you just hate me like everyone else?

( she doesn't hate her old managers, her old unit... she doesn't even hate the ghoul who stole her emotions so many times in a night. fears it, certainly, but...

shizuku brushes her thumb over his cheek, shaking her head. )

Maybe it's simply not in my nature...

( and she loves him, before anything else. ... maybe it clouds her judgement. maybe not. she doesn't want to admit it just yet though- not like this. )

... And maybe I think you're better than you think you are. The things you do speak volumes, Madara, but it goes for the good and the bad.

[Why does she make him feel so out of control? He knows he's not as much of a villain as he could be, of course. He has his reasons, his motives, and they're "good" compared to the actual acts. But she's threatening to get close, too close, closer than anyone else ever has. Whatever ice he encased his heart in is melting more and more by the day.

But maybe he can rest easy, and disappointingly, in the knowledge that in a few weeks they'll be gone. Done. He'll never see her again. He may never know this sort of kindness again, either. Even if he thinks she's a little naive in being so optimistic about him, it's made him wish he could really lean into the "hero" in antihero.

It's annoying, it's frustrating, and it makes him feel trapped inside his own head more than anything else ever has. But she's incredible in her gentleness and acceptance. If someone like Shizuku can give him the time of day, maybe he's not a total loss.]

You're so frustrating, Shizuku.

[He rests his forehead on hers for just a moment before pressing a firm, chaste kiss to her lips.]

( shizuku laughs until she's cut off by the kiss- something in it feels more bittersweet than his usual affections, and she can't say she doesn't see why. she can really only return the kiss and hope he feels even a little of the warmth she has for him. )

You're the first person to tell me that.

( 'annoying', sure. but frustrating? that's a first. smiling sadly, she tries not to glance away. )

Is being loved truly so awful?

[He's the first person to tell her that because he's the only person idiotic enough to get himself into such a complicated situation. This place is a mess, and it's making his emotions and thought processes a joke.

He knows how it feels to be rejected, to be hated, feared, maybe tolerated, liked if he counts Leo... But loved?]

Maybe it is. I wouldn't know.

[He just can't... get past that statement, though.]

Do you love me?

( shizuku pauses, looking away before meeting his gaze again. )

If I said yes, would you try to push me away again?

[He looks at her, wide-eyed for a moment, then with incredible fondness. She's special. He doesn't deserve having her in his life. They have mere weeks left together, and then he doesn't know if he'll ever see her again.

Idols don't get to do this. This is temporary and fleeting, and he finds that part of it oddly comforting. It's a safety net.

But the question remains: would it kill him to open his heart up enough to accept this?]

I wouldn't push you away. I'd tell you you're making a mistake, but it's not one I want to stop you from making. If you can love somebody like me, you're way stronger than I am.

I do. ... You make me feel so safe and warm. It's almost like home.

( idly, she leans forward against him, arms slowly winding around his chest. she can hear his heart beat like this... )

No one makes me laugh like you do. You don't... treat me like I'm stupid or feel you have to make plans around me and my mistakes. I wish I could introduce you to my friends so badly. They'd like you too.

How is that supposed to be a mistake? Feeling this wonderful because of someone? ... If you keep talking about yourself like that, I might actually get angry, you know.

( an idle threat, honestly, and obviously. but... something in her tone hitches at the end there. )

[He wraps his arms around her, pulling her close.]

Shizuku...

[He wouldn't love a person like himself if he were Shizuku. But he's not her, so he supposes he can't account for her actions at all, or make any kind of decisions from her point of view. He can't see her point of view. He hasn't been as innocent as she is in years.

How horribly was she treated, that just making her laugh and letting her be herself is good enough, when he has blood on his hands and all? It may not make sense to him, but then again it doesn't have to. He's not making this decision; she is, and he's accepting it.]

There's nothing I can say that'll change your mind, is there? Stubborn, too... I don't know about this side of you. [He's teasing, and it's clear in his gentle tone and soft voice.] You gave me way more chances than I deserve and you stayed with me no matter how much I proved every bad thing I've had to say about myself to be totally accurate.

[Pulling back slightly, he tips her chin up.]

I can't say I won't ever hurt you, but if you don't mind that, I'll stop being such a pain about this. I'm not sure I get what love feels like or what it is to me. If it's the way I feel right now, then I'm pretty sure I love you, too.

( maybe someday he will see her the way she sees him. maybe someday he'll be kinder to himself. if she tells him enough, she'd like to think it might sink in. but for now, free of memories and idle thoughts, she's here in his present- they're here together. )

I love you.

( firmer, more definite compared to her confirmation earlier- and gentle and warm, too, all while she holds him. )

... To be honest... I don't even think you've been as bad as you say you have. But I already knew you're harsh on yourself.

All I want is to make you smile, though.

[His heart aches, and he's sure she'll feel it too. Still, he can't help smiling when she says that's all she wants, even if the smile is just a little less easy than usual.]

You do make me smile. You make me smile, you make me feel warm and wanted, you even make me feel like maybe I could pull off the hero business if it came to it.

( shizuku gently squeezes his hand in hers, leaning against him in response to that twinge. )

You are wanted.

( there it goes again... 'heroes'. ... they've put this off long enough, haven't they? )

... Madara? Let's go back to our room. I want to know more about you. I probably should have asked a long time ago, but...

( as she'd said before, he seemed like he didn't actually want to talk about it, and she was trying to respect it.

but somehow that feels like an excuse. )

[He tried so many times to tell her so much, and failed every time. But if she's giving him the chance, he'll tell her everything. It's probably beyond the point at which he should have explained himself, but this speed-run of getting to know someone hasn't really allowed him to do things at a reasonable pace.

But he won't stop himself this time.]

Only if you'll tell me more about you, too.

( her? but she's such a simple person, honestly. it feels like what you see is what you get.

but... well, she cant' deny him that. )

Alright. We still have some tea... I can make us some when we get there, how does that sound?

[He pulls her in gently by the hand, and presses a kiss to her forehead.]

That sounds good.

( shizuku sighs softly, letting the moment of affection linger for as much as possible before they start the walk from the camelia facility back to the dorms. it'll be a while, but... )

... Do you want to wait until we get back, or...?

[He shakes his head.]

Once I figure out where to start, I'll just have to go for it. Is there anything you want to know about in particular?

Edited 2022-06-24 04:31 (UTC)

Alright.

( she pauses- speaking, at least, the walk doesn't need to be even longer- and frowns a little. )

I... ... who was that with you? In the memory.

On stage?

[He's really hoping she means Kohaku. But just thinking of Kohaku makes him smile, and it's a deeply fond look that Shizuku probably hasn't seen from Madara before. Kohaku gets him in certain ways.]

Kohaku Oukawa, my partner in Double Face. He's like me, in a way, in that he wasn't brought up to do good things and is doing his best with what's expected of him. Where I picked this trouble on my own, he was born into it: his whole family's assassins, basically.

[A beat. Maybe he'll explain the whole scenario.]

The guy we took care of was trying to screw over Kohaku's agency and trying to use up one of my oldest friends, when that guy's no good at fighting back. He'd done it to countless other industry people. The audience was totally made up of his victims.

( 'with what's expected of him'... )

I see.

( she hopes one day, kohaku could get out of that. that madara could, too- that their expectations don't shackle them further. but she can't help but wonder if saying so would be insensitive to what they've been through. she'll just keep that prayer in her heart, for right now. )

So... Double Face deals with people who hurt idols?

[He has to think on that for a second.]

Hmm... Mostly, yeah. You could say that. [He thinks about the Gatekeeper incidents and that whole mess with the SS Tournament.] And we put people in line who've kind of strayed off where they need to be.

[A smile, soft and faint.]

Although recently Kohaku had a solo live and invited me to perform with him, so that was a nice change. He even themed it after one of my favorite things, even though he doesn't like it.

04 - week four

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