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[selfconcept]

Congratulations! You survived the first week of Personal Enrichment Class! Or at least, your body did if you feel like astral projecting. It's time to mingle with your fellow students after the Saturday lesson. Maybe get revenge. Or maybe you're going to your room right away. Either way, it's free time! Let loose. Go wild.

Comments

[selfconcept]

I dunno. I have a pretty bad personality.

[ As he explained to Fai earlier. ]

Unless that's your thing...?

[partymagician]

But it's not terrible.

[ So. Yes, that is his thing. But there's no way in hell he's voicing out his preferences to Hien like that. ]

[selfconcept]

You sure about that?

[ He'd wildly gesture to Owen if he could. Alas. ]

Maybe I should be worried for you.

[partymagician]

[ Fai takes another sip of his coffee, leaning forward to rest his elbow on his knee, chin in hand. ]

And why is that?

[selfconcept]

You'll probably end up getting hurt, or not liking having to put compromises.

[ ... ]

Because I've done some shitty things and I don't regret it.

[partymagician]

You're worried that a little flirting is going to end up hurting me?

[ And Hien says he has a terrible personality when he's worried about something like that... ]

[selfconcept]

Are you ever worried about a little good deed leading to someone getting closer to you?

[ Anyway. ]

I meant me in general, not just flirting. I won't always listen, and you might be scared or disappointed.

[partymagician]

[ Well. Hien has him there. Fai doesn't respond to that question.

Instead, he just looks at Hien quietly for a few long moments, his expression pensive. ]

Outside of being scared for someone's safety, I don't get scared. [ Just getting that out of the way first. ] I think I should be the one who decides what disappoints me, don't you think?

[selfconcept]

Being scared for someone's safety is exactly what I'm talking about.

[ That's why he thought Fai would be scared in the first place. Not much seems to get through him when it comes to fear, is what Hien noticed.

But regarding the last point, Hien just looks ahead into nowhere. ]

Suit yourself.

[partymagician]

[ Fai looks at Hien, tilting his head slightly as he has a sip of coffee. ]

Did I say the wrong thing?

[ Not that he regrets it, because it's true. He should be able to decide what disappoints him. ]

[selfconcept]

No. It's not wrong to say something that you believe in.

[ Fai was right. Only he can decide what disappoints him or not. ]

I'm just saying that there's a possibility, so it's a warning.

[partymagician]

[ Then... why was Hien staring off into space like that? ]

Are you afraid that I'll be disappointed in you?

[selfconcept]

No. Disappointing people happens on a regular basis, so I won't be surprised if you would be too.

[ After all, he's nice. That's the thing. They think he's nice, but as soon as he partakes in some sort of violence, they're disappointed that he wasn't who they thought he was.

It doesn't seem to bother Hien anyway. ]

[partymagician]

Then what had you staring off into space like that? Hmmm?

[ He leans toward Hien, legs still crossed so it's a bit of an awkward position, so he can poke his cheek. ]

[selfconcept]

Just thought to myself that you're gonna eat your words.

[ Gonna get disappointed. ]

[partymagician]

Most things don't end up disappointing me, you know.

[ Call it low expectations, but it's the truth. ]

Truthfully, I don't know what you could do that would disappoint me.

[selfconcept]

I warned you.

[ He shrugs, since Fai gets it by now. ]

The following week's activities are gonna be like the stuff we just did, but harder.

[ That's what he got from the closing remarks. ]

The kids are gonna have a hard time, huh...

[partymagician]

[ Fai pokes Hien's cheek a couple more times for good measure before withdrawing. ]

They are. That's why we need to do our best to help them through it.

[ Some of the older people here still might struggle, but a few of them have had plenty of time to get used to the painful things in life.

... ]

I assume you're willing to do that much?

[selfconcept]

Don't hold that sort of expectation against me.

[ His voice comes out quieter than usual for that. ]

[partymagician]

I won’t expect you to be successful, especially when I might not be either.

[ He takes a sip of coffee.

The quietness of Hien’s voice makes him wonder if the source of his sadness might make it too hard on him. ]

…But if it’s too hard for you to try, I understand.

[selfconcept]

My success rates are pretty low with everything so not even I would expect to be successful, despite my earlier words.

[ He doesn't go into something and expect to fail, yet he knows his success rates are low. He just keeps trying and trying and trying—

You will never be satisfi▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ]

...

[ Instead of a deep sadness, there seems to be a neverending pit of emptiness that settles into his stomach. Unfortunately, Fai gets to feel that same emptiness in himself. ]

[partymagician]

[ Oh. That… that’s an awful feeling. It’s also a feeling he’s never had, so it’s easy to place that as Hien’s.

Fai’s breath hitches as he feels himself momentarily overwhelmed by that emptiness.

What can he do about it? He isn’t sure, but he knows that he needs to do something at the very least. ]

…

[ Fai reaches over to grab Hien’s hand, gently holding onto it. ]

[selfconcept]

[ Hien doesn't react for a while, but after several seconds, his hand reciprocates the hold after moving it around so that it's doable. The silence lingers for a little longer before he decides to speak up. ]

... Softie.

[ He doesn't look at Fai's face, but his expression is the same as ever. The emptiness seems to have gone away though, so Fai can tell himself that he succeeded. ]

[partymagician]

[ He laughs softly. That emptiness no longer weighing so heavily in the pit of his stomach is telling. ]

So are you.

[selfconcept]

Hmph.

[ Hien scoots a little closer to Fai and rests the side of his head on Fai's shoulder. ]

Then I guess we'll be softies together.