[ stop that. it's a sudden, intrusive thought ryouma isn't sure even belongs to him. it's hard to tell. it's not like he wants to talk about this either. no one here likes to be perceived. ]

I was s'posed to create a happy world. A better world! That's what everyone was countin' on me to do and I let 'em all down.

[ that's the heart of the problem, really, and why he has so much bitterness and resentment directed inward as much as outward in his situation. ]