[It would be easy, if he just hated Cater. Sometimes he could indulge in those simple, clean emotions. Cater could go anywhere in the world. Cater was good at talking to people. Cater could make so many friends that he refused to call them back. Even if there was nothing more than idle curiosity behind it, people would ask "where did Cater Diamond go?" Those emotions would be a fountain of blot that, in another world, might sustain him.]

[but it's not that easy]

[the two crumple to the ground. Idia shifts their bodies ever so slightly so he doesn't put too much of his weight on Cater as they fall. The nook that he was hiding in can snugly hold each of their shoulders.]

[He pulls his face back and nearly loses his nerve. Looking in Cater's eyes, just like blood or tears, reminds him this is real. This isn't some dream he'll wake up from.]

... I- ... it's l-like I said, I don't know exactly...

[his eyes dip down to the mark he left on Cater's chest. Without thinking, he starts tugging some of the torn fabric over and dabbing it to pick up the stray blood.]

I could say it's because we're partners but, h- [a hiccup, a deep breath] honestly, it's a lot easier to care about some of the other people here!

[And if it was because they were partners, then, wasn't that also just being forced? He can distantly remember something Hien was asking him. If there were other people who cared about him, did it still matter if Cater did?]

[Did he need Cater to reciprocate, in order to care about him?]

... I- ... care. [he says it again. His next sentences are stammered, mixed with moments of choking on his words.]

And, it's- okay- if you don't care back. And it's okay- i- if this heals- a- a- a-and maybe if it heals you'll still look at it and think... "Ah, Idia was crying then"- b- but-

-even if you don't-

I will.

[I care about you. I'll remember you. I want so much in return but if I take it I can never truly enjoy it.]