theafflicted | 🎉🎉🎉

[ He nods to him. As uncomfortable as it is to even think of losing Dice and Ramuda and him--

There's no need to dwell on that, because Gentaro would never, ever allow it. ]

It was an interesting exercise. If I may pose the same question to you?

[ It's only fair, after all. ]

Sure.

[ Yeah, that's fair. Hien is all for information exchange. ]

In regards to that, I have. And I did. I kept trying, and trying.

[ His voice sounds like it gets a little quieter, but his volume is normal when he takes a brief pause. ]

The reason why I asked that question... is because I was wondering if anyone else would be willing to suffer through that voluntarily.

[ There's no mocking in his tone. He wouldn't. Not for a question like this. ]

[ ... hm. Gentaro, admittedly, is surprised at himself for admitting all that he has. Maybe it's just how Hien is--able to coax vulnerability out. Of course, he can't know for sure.

But it would be fascinating to find out. It would be a great deal more preferable, too; now, Gentaro's looking the fact that he's lost so much already right in the face. If he ever returns home (because people with power are cruel and can be corrupted easily; what's stopping Lorelei from keeping them here indefinitely?) and finds he's lost even more--

He cuts that train of thought off, chokes it back and shoves it down where it belongs. After taking a breath, Gentaro gives him the slightest smile. It's more than a little sardonic, but that's not aimed at Hien at all. ]

For those of us who have had more than their share of suffering, what is a little bit more?

An additional burden.

[ He says that without hesitation, but his voice is soft as if it's a delicate topic. ]

Then the people who have had their share of suffering will only incur more suffering. That line of thinking encourages you to stack more and more, until you can't take it anymore and break.

[ He fiddles with his fork between his fingers like he would for a pen. ]

And if you think you're broken, you're not broken enough. Being capable of rational thought means you're still holding yourself together somehow. That's why, I personally, would reject that notion on anyone, especially with limited lifespans.

[ He feels extremely called out, but Hien is tactful about it. He doesn't feel offended or vaguely threatened like he had with Owen. Rather... he listens, and maybe Hien has a point.

Gentaro would say the same for anyone else, especially those he cares for. To internalize it, though, to turn it inward and give himself that sort of kindness... he's not nearly that fond of himself.

He isn't about to give voice to that, though. Instead, his expression is gently thoughtful as he considers Hien and what he says. ]

You afford people an impressive amount of kindness. It is not a bad thing, of course. [ Far from it. Gentaro wishes he could see things the way Hien can, but to allow that would mean opening himself up to the possibility of being hurt again and again. ] In my experience, most people would not share your view.

Perhaps if they did, the world would be a kinder place.

... Maybe it would.

[ His expression is stable and neutral as it has been for the entire conversation. ]

Maybe it wouldn't. I am not one for what-ifs myself, because I would be wasting time thinking about something that hasn't even happened yet, or come into being. My view is... odd. I may be kind now, and be violent without good reason tomorrow. I may look like I am peace now, but extremely troubled tomorrow. I can be anything. I'm everything. They're all me, parts of me—the Self.

[ He quietly breathes out. ]

So I hope that you remember that the part of you that tries so hard is worth caring for—and to nourish it is very productive to your endgoals.

[ aka take care of yourself and treat yourself well

Gentaro didn't say it, but Hien knows many people don't. He may not know Gentaro that well regarding personality, but he's willing to bet that Gentaro is one of them. ]

[ ... He hasn't felt so unbalanced in a very, very long time. It's almost enough for him to keep his distance completely. He feels old instincts kick in; Ramuda and Dice had been the exception to his habit of turning and running from the things that hit too close to home.

It may just be the conversation; maybe he had revealed too much, but there are some things he will not lie about. Still, a weight settles on his chest, unsettling him and making him want to withdraw. He shows none of that. Gentaro is a practiced liar, after all. If there's one thing he's very good at, it's boxing up those unpleasant emotions and burning them to ashes.

What strikes him the most is that Gentaro can relate. He's quiet, mulling over Hien's words. His endgoals-- ]

Do you truly think it is odd? As you said, it is part of you. To call someone's very being odd is quite the disservice. It is our quirks that make us unique. If one must land on "odd," however...

That makes the world more exciting. If we were all the same, it would be a horribly dull existence.

[ Fling Posse is made up of "odd" people. Gentaro wouldn't have it any other way. And to the last part of what Hien says... ]

... You are quite the insightful person, Hien. I suppose that is bound to happen when you've lived for a very long time.

"Every person is unique. Therefore, no one is."... something like that. People having diverse personalities are what puts me at ease. They have a sense of individual self.

[ So in turn, denying yourself would irritate Hien quickly, but mostly it's because of his concept part of his existence. ]

They grow. They learn. As you said, it makes the world a more exciting place. Differences breed conflicts, which gives value to the time of peace. The works. The insight that you claim that I have is me being what I am—the metaphysical concept of the Self. It covers a wide range of things such as desire, personalities, sense of survival... anything that has to do with what makes you, you.

[ So Hien has been having forced case studies of an infinite number of people for god knows how long. ]

... It's complicated. For the reason why I say my views are odd, is that...

[ Hm. ]

While I may be the Self, I was also created from Destruction.

[ So maybe Hien is self-destructive............ yet he has all this to say. ]

[ ... A sense of individual self.

Somehow, he's stumbled into a discussion he'd rather avoid. It's subtle, but his expression shifts to something just a touch more guarded. That serene look is still very much in place, but.... ]

The most meaningful things are quite complicated, in my experience.

[ He glances away. How strange, to have such a conversation when he's wearing clothes that don't quite suit him, when he has glitter in his hair. Gentaro folds his arms across his chest before looking back at Hien. ]

While you may be born of Destruction and we may not know each other well, I see you no differently. "I only know you."

[ Despite the topic, despite all the complicated feelings he's got all jumbled up, the corners of his lips curve upward. ]

As far as I see it, destruction is never the end. Many times, there is meaning and beauty in what follows after. It gives value to the time of peace, as someone once told me. [ a quiet chuckle. ] That is quite the long-winded way of saying that our meeting, even in a place like this, is meaningful to me.

[ ...

Hien ends up smiling a little at that. ]

That's a very valued thought process. I hope you will treasure it. I'm glad that this meeting meant something to you, because it did for me too.

🎉🎉🎉

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